Retirement Talk
WHAT to do with the rest of your life? |
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Episode 010: Retiring at the same time as your spouse
This is Del Lowery with
“Retirement – What to do with the Rest of Your Life.” Today’s program deals
with an exploration of retiring at the same time your spouse or partner
retires.
I remember deciding to retire
and told my wife that I would always drop her a card from exotic destinations
all over the world. She didn’t see the humor. She knew that there might be a
chance that I would do that very thing. The day I retired - she retired.
What has been our experience
of adjusting to this new arrangement in our relationship? Well, I have heard
horror stories about the idea of the man being underfoot – so to speak. I’m not
sure that was the case for us, but I don’t think it was a big problem. When I
ask my wife for comment for this program, she never mentioned it. So…I guess I
wasn’t underfoot.
We each found things to fill
up our hours without interfering with each other. In the mornings we each went
to our personal stations. Brenda slept later than I. We ate breakfast alone.
Then she focused on watercolor in her studio. I practiced Thai Chi, walked in
the garden, and then played the guitar for at least two hours. Except for the guitar, there is no sound in
our house until after noon: nothing electric; no radio, no TV, no music – other
than the guitar. I always ask her if the
music bothered her, but she has always claims that she rarely hears it. I guess
she is focused and my music is just meaningless background. A little side note
here about the lack of electronic stuff coming into the house before noon. We
have found it very refreshing to save all political chicanery, airplane
crashes, murders, fires, crashes, and wars for later in the day -usually
presented to us in the print media. I could never figure out why people listen
to the news in the morning. It seems like such a bad way to start a day. You
might want to try it.
At 11 o’clock we join
together to get our exercise. She, and I, see this as a real plus in retiring
at the same time. It is easier to keep to a regimented exercise program if you
have someone to do it with. We would ski, play racket ball, run, ride our bicycles,
lift weights, or just go for a fast walk. We are to lunchtime without getting
each other’s way. It has worked this way for 19 years – and counting.
In the afternoons we would
again pursue our own particular interests, whatever that might be, or we might
join together in some project around the house or in the community. We might
work on a woodworking project: building a greenhouse, a table, a deck, or an
addition to our house. She might go shopping or run errands. I might work at
the computer or write.
Late afternoons always see us
coming together again for coffee. We are regular customers at the local coffee
shops. We know the baristas by name and they know our drinks. This is not as
simple as it seems, since we rotate between four different coffee shops: one in
Bellingham
and three in
Vancouver
. Here is where we read a magazine,
do a crossword, or talk to friends. It is our place to socialize first and
foremost. We love to sit and solve all world and local problems within the time
it takes to drink an Americano.
Just because you retire at
the same time doesn’t mean you can’t do things your spouse doesn’t do. We have
each taken different classes and workshops and explored various aspects of
painting or music. Sometimes we have traveled separately and certainly spent
our time having lunch with friends when the other is banned.
One thing retiring at the
same time has fostered is our freedom to work together on projects. We have
sometimes worked individually on some political campaign, human rights effort,
or community issue. At other times we have enjoyed working together on these.
It is great to have the same time and interests to combine efforts.
I think we have grown closer
since retirement. We are more sensitive to each other’s needs to run off and be
alone, or to just sit quietly. We are more sensitive to criticizing each other.
After 41 years together, retirement has been our closest years. Perhaps we are
more comfortable with our own egos. We are more assured of our place in
universe and we are more aware of the importance of each of us to each other.
It seems to me like retirement
is not a time when one person has to get in the way of the other. Perhaps that
is more of a modern myth. Our experience has been that of a time of coming
together even more than one could ever imagine. Each person is freer than ever
before and stronger because of the other person’s close presence. You gain
strength from each other and thus a new dimension is added to each.
Of course, I realize this may
not be the case for everyone. Perhaps your experience has been different. If
so, drop me a line at retirementtalk.org and I may read your letter on a
program. It will be good for all of us to hear different approaches, different
practices, and the unique circumstances that may have led to various results.
This is Del Lowery with,
“Retirement – What to do with the Rest of your life.”
A resource from a listener: Best Free Online Degrees for Seniors guide is designed to assist seniors who aspire to enhance their intellect or consider starting a new career path. It features an overview of the top online degrees for seniors, emphasizing their numerous advantages, and a broad range of subjects to choose from.
A friend's website: Terra Firma Designs: Fine Furniture, Stained Glass and woodworking workshops.
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