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Episode 317 Family Day
It is a dark, dreary, wet winter day in Vancouver. We went for a morning walk and I froze to death. I misjudged the layers of clothing needed. It is Family Day in Canada - a national holiday. This is the first one ever. Seems like a worthwhile title for a holiday. Most stores and businesses are closed. The coffee shops are packed. We had trouble finding one with seats available. There are even two babies in this one that continue to cry just a bit off and on. Seems fitting on this particular day: Family day.
This is Retirement Talk. I'm Del Lowery.
Retirement is often accompanied by major changes in our family relationships. It is about this time in life when we may loose our parents. They move to retirement homes, convalescent centers, into one of our siblings homes or perhaps our own place. We no longer have the old home place to visit. Old haunts and old friends many times disappear with them. When the parents do die and we move into the top tier of the family hierarchy we often find our attention drawn to our own children and grandchildren. Ties to siblings become a bit more tenuous. Parents always served as a reason for getting together and keeping in touch and now they are gone.
I talked to one of my sisters just two days ago. It is always good to catch up on the latest health issues and the family exploits or lack of them. And then as if arranged by fate my brother called yesterday. Since our mother's funeral we have seen each other once in the last eleven years. That was when my wife's father died. We have sent Holiday cards but never received one. I have called a couple of times but have never on the receiving end of a phone call. But then, the day before Family Day he called. We talked for over an hour and it was if we had never skipped a beat in our conversation. It was great. Perhaps now we will continue our conversations a little more often.
I have three sisters and we talk on the phone a few times each year; birthdays and Christmas and perhaps another call or two during the year. It is always pleasant to catch up with what is going on in the family. The geographical distance seems to always present a barrier to meeting face to face. If time and money are going to be spent on traveling it seems like it is to our own children or some special exotic place. As years accumulate it seems our ties to siblings are stretched and ties to our own descendants are sought and held more dearly.
The day before my brother called an old friend I have seen only once in twenty-five years called. I think he was just checking to see if I was still alive. I was happy to answer the question. He told me of a mutual friend who had developed Alzheimer's and took his own life while he was still able. We talked of other friends from the past and their status. Some doing well and some already dead.
Family and old friends seem to take on special meaning in retirement. We no longer have a working network to introduce us to people and the possibility of new relationships. Some of us have a tendency to reach back rather than forward to satisfy this need in our lives. I like to think that I look both ways but I do know that those from the past carry special meaning. Aristotle said something about friendship requiring duration rather than intensity. That is something the family has in spades. We are linked. We are linked for life.
Canada is on to something with this holiday. It seems so appropriate and filled with meaning. Hopefully it will prompt many phone calls, trips or letters. Families don't stay connected unless someone makes the effort and sometimes we all need a reminder to just take that first step.
I think I am going to cut this podcast a bit short and call my other two siblings. It is a good day to reconnect and just say, "Hello. How are you doing. Just thought I would check in."
This is Retirement Talk.
If you have questions, comments or suggestions contact: del@retirementtalk.org
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