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Episode 791 Retirement without Guilt
This is Retirement Talk. I’m Del Lowery
Some people tell me they feel guilty about retirement. Many of us approach retirement with the idea that we must keep busy. We must continue to be “active”. We must get another job, volunteer, golf, or travel. We believe that we must “be up and doing” as long as we live.
An elderly Greek woman taught me a different attitude many years ago. We were 15 Americans and Europeans, dressed in shorts, t-shirts, and sunglasses, sitting in an air-conditioned, tinted windowed, American Express bus thousands of miles from home and traveling down this small twisty road. We were in Greece; on our way to Epidaurus, a famous ancient Greek theater, to see a play by Euripides.
She was gray haired, dressed in black and sitting in a rocker. We had rounded a curve at the edge of a small village and the road was blocked by this small knot of perhaps thirty villagers walking behind a coffin. We slowed and respectfully followed them to the where they turned into the cemetery. I remember so vividly looking out the window at this procession and then at that older woman sitting on a tiny porch.
I tried to think of what she must see and think; her neighbors walking slowly down the road, carrying a friend to their grave – and then this big American Express bus with American tourists. Forty years have passed but I can see her as if it were yesterday. I imagined the woman dressed in black spending her life in this village, rarely venturing far. We, in contrast, were born to ramble; travel to the four corners of the earth. See and learn; take pictures and get diarrhea. I’m not sure who had the better life. My education or culture has taught me little about the benefits of sitting still. We needed to be up and doing.
What of those who wish to sit down; enjoy life’s moments, breathe deep, walk the beach or rock in a chair? Are they to be scorned, disdained, or smiled at as plain fools? Who speaks for those who wish to let go? One of my favorite lines by Thoreau, that I’ll get fairly close to, is, “As I lie, idly drifting on Walden Pond, I cease to think and begin to be.” Here is a classic example of one who learned the pleasure of pausing – and not feeling guilty about it. He was pleased and proud of it.
“Why don’t you get up and do something with your life?” was one of my Dad’s favorite sayings. My sophomore English teacher, Mrs. Calkins, required that we memorize these lines from a Longfellow poem:
Let us, then be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
Unchecked this notion can create a giant sense of guilt. Work becomes the elixir of life. We must always be “productive”. And what of life during retirement? Must we continue being productive, or “busy”?
I recall standing in the door of my classroom years ago. Classes were passing and I was talking to a younger teacher who taught next door to me. He was worried about his contract being terminated. The pipeline boom had ended in Alaska and people were leaving the state. The staff had to be cut.
My wife and I liked our jobs. But we didn't need the job. Not anything like the teacher who worked next door.We were not rich and really did need to provide for food, clothing and shelter along with basic amenities of which we had grown accustomed. But that was all. The state was offering an incentive package to entice older teachers to retire early.
We did not need nearly as much money as we had imagined. We would only need to provide for basic expenses, taxes, insurance, etc. Our children were now either in college or beyond. It was time for them to become financially responsible for themselves. It would probably be better for them, and us, if they were to achieve financial independence. We needed to let go. And they needed to go on.
What would we do if we retired? I was 44 years old. Brenda was 41. Everyone told us we were too young to retire. We had to work – it was a given. But after doing the math we found we did not need to work at a job. Feeling guilty about retiring never entered the picture.
Sometimes I think we need to slow down; not because we are older, but because we are wiser. We have learned the beauty of not “rushing about”. The picture of that older, silver haired lady sitting on a porch in Greece keeps coming back to me. Is there something wrong with sitting on a porch - practicing the art of being?
This is Retirement Talk.
If you have questions, comments or suggestions contact del@retirementtalk.org
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